its my party and i'll cry if i want to

 

Alice and I are celebrating our birthdays today. Only problem is Alice is there ( in heaven) and I am here ( on earth). I miss her more today than I have since she left here to go to there on January 11th, 2010.

I am reading a book right now Alex and Me by Irene Pepperberg. Alex is an african grey parrot that Irene studied for over 30 years. His last words to his owner were "You be good, I love you." In the last few days before my mom stopped speaking and soon after died she would say "thank you" and " I love you" to us, her children. Irene describes her childhood as not very happy and her mother as a "refrigerator " parent, "cold and distant, she never hugged me or spoke loving words to me, she never played with me nor read to me. It was because of this emptiness in her life that she became so very attached to birds. Reading this made me appreciate even more ( I didn't know that was possible) the "campfire" mother I grew up with. She was just the opposite of Irene's mom in every way and set a standard for all of her children to emulate in their own lives and relationships. 

 

That was the last picture I have of my mom, taken by my son, Benjamin just before christmas. 

In honor of Alice and my birthday I am going to have a giveaway. It will be a beautiful crochet covered stone in Alice's favorite color, pink. Just leave a comment on this post by tomorrow at midnight for a chance to win.

xxoo

m

   

Comments

[Becky]

The last photo of you and your mom is full of love. I'm teary reading your post because, although it's been over a year, the loss of my dad is still tough. I believe that he is with us but knowing that I can't give him a hug like that is so hard. My thoughts are with you as you go through these "firsts" without your mom. I hope that your birthday celebration is full of warm memories and hugs from your family.

[Peggy]

What a sweet giveaway -- I would love to win this special creation!

[Joanne]

Beautiful post remembering your dear Alice. It always strikes us when we least expect it and it is wonderful to have such beautiful memories to treasure. Just remember she is always with you and you reflect her love and beauty in all that you do. Wishing you a blessed day Margie! Happy Birthday!

[Vicky]

What a special story about missing someone you love. It makes you want to put in a little more effort with those around you. Have a wonderful birthday.

[Anna]

This type of story really makes you think about what you have, and what life brings to us. I love the cake in the birthday photo, its amazing.

[Joan Browning]

I love the photo of your beautiful Mother and THE CAKE! That cake says such a lot! My Mum was an extraordinary lady too and pink was her colour in later years. We buried her in her favourite pink dress.. $2.50 from the Op Shop. It was beautiful. Happy birthday.

[filz-t-raum.ch]

your mother was a very beautiful woman. i think it's really difficult for you and you miss her so much.
i hope you can have a little bit happiness on your birthday!!!
happy birthday!!!
bye,
filz-t-raum.ch

sorry,i don't can say all what i think in english and you can't understand my language...

[oregonooastgirl]

Beautiful remembrance. She would be proud.

[Mitsy/ArtMind]

Of course I'm crying now - even though I don't know neither of you - your story touched my heart!
Happy birthday to both of you.

[rhrozgrkdn]

happy birthday muck muck

[Eva]

Best wishes on your birthday and as Vicky said above, thank you for the reminder (I share birthday with my mum too). I'm sad for your loss but glad that you have such beautiful memories of your time together. Take care xo

[Emma Angel]

Thank you for sharing another lovely post. She sounds like such a warm and loving mum.
I hope that you have a very Happy Birthday. She will be there with you.
Take care xx

[joanie]

Wonderful post Margie. I love your photos and your sweet memories attached to all of them.
Wishing you both a very special day, celebrate your lives and love.
Joanie x

[jk]

How wonderful to share such a special day with your mother. And to have a day of reflection. While you are your own person, it is clear she had a deep influence on you as well, and so she lives on. Happy Birthday!

[ale]

happy birthday margaret,fuull of love and with your heart full of the heart of your sweet and lovely mother!!!be sure she is celebrating with you!!!muchos besos!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Jody Pearl]

quick I need to write something before I cry a river...I'm usually really good with your posts - I gain strength from them but this one made me melt.

it hurts,so
cry soft & loud
often...because you can

nup, didn't work still crying!

Love & thoughts on your very special day.
x

[linlin]

You and your family are full of love. I am always inspired by your posts. It just reinforces what power a life of love has. Happy Birthday to you and your mom (she is still celebrating with you - even though she is there and you are here)!

Hope you are surrounded by your kids today!

[Meli]

Oh !!!! I know she was your mom but out of her age you brought me memories of my grandma who I loved very much.She was the one who knew all my secrets and except from a grandmother was my best friend .
I missed her very much but life go on and with all I have in my mind I forget her.Little things bring me sweet memories but make me cry too.
Like your post!!!!!
You make me cry sweetheart !

Meli

[Sara Bowen]

Lovely photos, Margaret. You look very like your mother. I've read many sad but beautiful things on your blog - I guess they are two sides of the same coin. I miss my mother too, but I enjoy my memories of her. Happy Birthday.

[Lovely World]

Happy Birthday! How nice to share the day with your beloved mother, although this year will be bittersweet I'm sure. I have never heard the term "campfire mother" but I think it is great. I hope my children will see me as one. The cake in the first photo is quite impressive, by the way!

[liane]

Wonderful. You know I imagine when it's my time I'll be saying a lot of thank yous. Most especially to my children. This post is full of love. Happy Birthday to you both. Oh, and my grandmother's name was Alice. She is "there" too and I love her and miss her.

[www.google.com/accounts/o8/id?id=AItOawn_wQ8DSe02Gw2CW9Vp66YSDwTmymetXJo]

Oh how you manage to always make a tear drop from my eye.... a "fridge mum" oh how this can be true at times that it makes me hurt.Still I am interested in your stone giveaway.Ariadne from Greece

[Margaret]

Happy birthday. I know how you feel. I miss my mother every day as well, and it's been almost 30 years.

[Jennifer]

Carry her love with you always.

[Rachel]

such a lovely post :) joyeux anniversaire ! i heart pink :)
PS something is on it's way... (finally!)

[Caitlin]

I imagine that sharing a birthday with your Mum created an opportunity for some lovely family traditions. I am sure she is blowing out her candles on a giant fluffy birthday cake up there. Happy Birthday to you as well.

P.S: Alex's story meant a lot to me as well, as I worked with parrots for many years. I am still always touched when my little bird surprises me with a new word.

[Christina H]

You made me cry this morning. Thank You. It was a good one.

[Tamara]

I love you mom. xoxoxo.

[Aly]

You're so fortunate to have had such a lovely mother. It makes the loss so much harder in the short term, doesn't it? Happy Birthday.

[Fiona]

You are very lucky to have had such a lovely mum and a good relationship with her. Those memories can never be taken away from you, they are yours to cherish for ever. Please enter me into your giveaway as I just love your covered stones.

[Kelby]

What a lovely and bittersweet post. It almost made me cry this morning!
I hope that my young son will see me as a campfire mom, too.
And thank you for this opportunity to receive one of your beautiful crochet stones!

[Lisa at Lil Fish Studios]

Wishing you a meaningful day, Margie. More celebration than sadness.

I love the first photo...all those smiles reflecting Alice's.

Hugs to you.

[michele (maryland)]

Oh, Margie, Happy Birthday. I also have lost my Mother and miss her so much. Thank you for making me cry for her, again...You have a wonderful family to share your day with. And you know your mom will be with you all too. Happy Day.

[Christina J.]

What a touching post. You were lucky to have her for a mom.

[MzTallulah]

Such a beautiful, stylish lady! I used to be at loggerheads constantly with my mom, but growing up and becoming a mom myself have changed our relationship deeply, and today I am proud to count her among my best friends and inspirations. Happy birthday, to both of you.

[Dawn]

A good mom is the best gift! You are blessed.
Peace~
Dawn

[Dale Smith]

"The last words that my Mother said to me were, "I love you too darling". She has been gone for 7 years and I hear her saying those words whenever I need to hear them.
Happy Birthday to both of you. She gave you the best gift of all.
Dale

[annri]

I hope you have a beautiful birthday. Yes, cry if you want to. My heart goes out to you. <3

[jennlui]

a very touching post, thank you for sharing. wishing you a very special day, filled with the loved ones around you and in your heart. xo

[grace]

Those of us with wonderful mothers are lucky gals. Not til I was older did I realize some people don't have the luck to be born to an amazing caring loving mother. I hope I am that kind of mother to my girls.

That last photo of you and your mother is beautiful.

Enjoy your memories today.

[alexis]

you are lucky to have had such a wonderful mom. and having the same birthdays means she still gets to celebrate with you each year! happy birthday to both of you :)

[Sulwyn]

Your mother sounds wonderful, and you are so blessed to have had her. The memories will never die and the connection you share with her will continue to nurture you and strengthen you. Happy Birthday!

[Heidi]

I was very touched by your post today. It brought tears to my eyes. Wishing you a very happy birthday, and more sunny days to come.

[MrPuffy]

You're not the only one crying at your party.... I miss her and never met her, except through what you have shared. Love the photo of you two in the water ~ that speaks volumes.

[allison]

happy birthday to you and alice. you have done an extraordinary job honoring and celebrating alice in this space. i can only imagine how much she is still present in your 'real' life. thank you for sharing her with us. your words and photos are lovely, as always.

[Momm in the Making]

What a wonderful post Margie.

Happy birthday to you and your wonderful Mommy. You gave me a moment to think about my mom and how wonderful she is and how much I love her because of how much she loves me and how supportive and 'there' she's been for me no matter how dumb or immature or silly I have been at times through life. She just continued to hold me accountable for the person I am through my actions and words, hug me, teach me and even learn with me as we've gone through this great journey of life together.

I just became a mommy 6 months ago and it's given me so much to reflect on - it's the most special thing in the world and it makes me treasure my own mom even more (if possible!) and also realize that the legacy that matters the most to me now is my baby - so no doubt you made your mom so proud, knowing that she had raised such a wonderful person to carry her torch.

So today, in honor of yours and Alice's birthdays we celebrate and honor Mom's - all they give us and all they teach us just by 'being.

:)

Amanda

[Maiz]

Happy Birthday to both of you. Your posts about you mom are so touching. You must miss her so much. She was such a beautiful spirit! My friend just had a baby on her birthday... such a special connection.

[Susan]

Happy Birthday and what a beautiful gift your Mother gave to you!

[Oona Nicholas]

Happy Birthday!
What a beautiful post. I think I might have to read this book your talking about.
Hope you have a wonderful day =)

[Turid]

Beautiful in words and pictures. Hugs from Turid